What did I do to deserve you?
by Lothiriel84
Summary: "Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it." - Swedish proverb - Written for tromana as a part of the Great Stocking Swap on Paint It Red forum. A huge thank you to Miss Peg for betaing my story.


_Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it._

_- Swedish proverb -_

…

Chaos ensued the very moment he stepped into her life.

Endless stacks of paperwork. Countless complaints. Her job being in jeopardy almost on a daily basis.

Still she managed to put up with him somehow. In spite of his crazy schemes – not to mention all of his lies and deceits.

She couldn't help doing her best to put up with him. It wasn't in her nature to forsake people that needed her.

And Jane did need her – even if he was never going to admit as much.

…

He knew he didn't deserve a friend. Didn't deserve someone as loyal as Lisbon to actually care for him.

And yet he needed her. He was acutely aware of this fact.

Not that he was ever going to tell her, of course.

Besides, Red John would always stand in their way. Deep-down, he dreaded the moment he was going to be faced with the hardest choice of his life.

Would he choose his quest for revenge over Lisbon's friendship?

Perhaps he simply didn't want to know.

…

She'd lost count of the times she'd seen him getting crazy over his chase for the serial killer.

That didn't put her off in the least. She still hoped she'd be able to save him along the way.

To save him not only from Red John – but also from himself.

Then Jane shot a man at the mall while she was lying in a hospital bed and couldn't do anything to help him.

In the end it wasn't even the right man. Red John had won yet another round.

This time she really felt like screaming her heart out.

…

Timothy Carter wasn't the real Red John. He'd killed the wrong guy.

(Not a good guy, as a matter of fact – but still.)

They were back to where they had started. And he hated it when he had to tell Lisbon.

She had already forgiven him for shooting a man; had really hoped that Red John wasn't going to be breathing down their neck anymore.

He'd actually hoped the same, if only for a short while.

A fool's hope, that's what it had been.

…

Jane was gone.

Apparently he had given up not only his quest for revenge, but their almost decade-long friendship as well.

It didn't matter.

(At least that's what she kept on telling herself whenever she couldn't fall asleep at night.)

Truth was, she missed him; worried about him.

What was he going to do with his life now? Who would be there to keep him out of trouble?

(Why did she have to feel so lonely without him at her side?)

…

It didn't take him a great effort to fake his breakdown.

Without someone – Lisbon – to keep him grounded, he felt like a complete and utter mess.

So he gulped down another shot of tequila and stared at his own reflection in the mirror.

Any sane woman would keep away from him. Especially after his small talk about happy memories and murder.

That cocktail waitress might have something to do with Red John.

He would just wait and see.

…

Lorelei had called him lover.

Of course whom Jane decided to sleep with wasn't any of her business.

(Privately she hoped he'd chosen someone else though. Or maybe that was the exact reason. He'd do anything in the world to catch Red John – apart from taking her life, as it seemed.)

She wasn't even jealous. Not in the usual sense of the word anyway.

Such a connection with a serial killer's minion scared her though.

Maybe Jane wasn't as smart as he thought he was. Maybe the siren was going to lure him to his destruction.

All she could do right now was bury her own feelings deep down – whatever they were – and do the job she was paid for.

Perhaps this nightmare was going to end someday.

…

He'd seen it in her eyes – the moment those words had escaped from his mouth, and later on when she'd asked him about it.

_Lisbon was in love with him. _

Had been for years now, even if she wasn't aware of it yet.

Denial was her best friend after all. As well as his own, as a matter of fact.

There was no way he would allow her to become another casualty in the twisted game he was playing with a madman.

If the only way he could do that was seducing the sly temptress Red John had sent to him – well, so be it.

He would never deserve Lisbon's affections anyway.

…

She felt sick as she witnessed what was going on beyond the two-way mirror.

The way Jane was touching that woman; his lips wandering to her neck.

He'd asked for his best friend's help, and she wasn't going to back down now.

She just wanted to close her eyes and shut the whole thing out.

Except that she couldn't.

A shiver ran down her spine when Lorelei whispered a name against Jane's lips.

Could it really be that easy?

…

Lorelei didn't mean anything to him. Physical attraction and pleasure were just about the body.

He was a conman. He could make his body react in the precise way he wanted it to.

She would never have his heart – for it already belonged to someone else.

(Under different circumstances, would Lisbon agree to share him with his dead wife and child?)

When she whispered that name he smiled in triumph.

They were going to get Red John this time.

…

Lisbon stood by Jane's side as he watched his long-time foe bleed to death.

Then she nodded briefly to Susan Darcy and dragged her shaken consultant away.

A week later she found Jane on her doorstep. He'd just stopped to say goodbye before leaving the state.

She looked him in the eye and pulled him into her apartment.

…

First thing he saw as he woke up in the morning was a smiling Lisbon bringing him a cup of tea.

"You're too good for me, Teresa."

She placed the teacup on the nightstand and sat beside him on the bed.

"And you're too much of an idiot for your own sake."

An affectionate grin spread on his face as she leaned forward and kissed him firmly on the lips.

Perhaps he'd just stop fighting and grab his chance at happiness instead.

He suspected that Lisbon would hold him to their unspoken promise to be there for each other anyway.


End file.
